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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27476233">Epiphanies</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/joli_camarillo/pseuds/joli_camarillo'>joli_camarillo</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lila_luscious1/pseuds/lila_luscious1'>lila_luscious1</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Patty_Parker60/pseuds/Patty_Parker60'>Patty_Parker60</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Grey's Anatomy, Marina-fandom, Station 19 (TV), Surrera-fandom, VICLEY-fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Epiphany, F/F, F/M, Gen, Love, M/M, Past Drug Addiction, Psychoanalysis, Recovery, References to Addiction, Revelations, Therapy, coming to terms, love and feels</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 19:35:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,014</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27476233</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/joli_camarillo/pseuds/joli_camarillo, https://archiveofourown.org/users/lila_luscious1/pseuds/lila_luscious1, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Patty_Parker60/pseuds/Patty_Parker60</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>SUMMARY UPDATE:</p><p>Season 4-WHOO-HOOO! (tentative-the 90 day separation scares me,<br/>tho the EP (P. Barclay) indicates that there are bumps for Surerra along<br/>the way, but their's is a brighter future). Alternate universe of S19 and GA<br/>who see the light after poor decision making (and outside influences<br/>outside of their control) impact their romantic lives.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Andrea "Andy" Herrera/Robert Sullivan, Jenna Matson/Ryan Tanner, Maya Bishop &amp; Carina DeLuca, Victoria Hughes/Lucas Ripley</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/beccab1/gifts">beccab1</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/joli_camarillo/gifts">joli_camarillo</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/beckysue_bonner/gifts">beckysue_bonner</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbie_mayer42/gifts">bobbie_mayer42</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/lana_luv/gifts">lana_luv</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/julrenda/gifts">julrenda</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/legallyblindandrea/gifts">legallyblindandrea</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/CSW1420/gifts">CSW1420</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/da_manelli/gifts">da_manelli</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/dwalk1_2002/gifts">dwalk1_2002</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeesyLovesBathenaAndVicley/gifts">LeesyLovesBathenaAndVicley</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/jayjayM/gifts">jayjayM</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/KyHasNoLife/gifts">KyHasNoLife</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/musicgirl1120/gifts">musicgirl1120</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bacner/gifts">Bacner</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/gifts"></a>.</li>



    </ul><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>After staying in your own head for long enough you will begin to break those<br/>walls to the outside world and it will be hard to get out of your own world.<br/>You notice that everyone has moved on to new things, new trends, new possibilities<br/>and you aren’t with them because you’ve been stuck in your own world</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>BREAK-THROUGH DAY...that's how Jack Gibson sees this; his fifteenth session with Diane Lewis, the city of Seattle<br/>
Fire Department's resident therapist. All of sudden everything seems to 'click' and all the pieces fit together: Andy Herrera<br/>
IS GONE, at least as a romantic possibility. She married Robert Sullivan and has a child with him. Her mother is back in her<br/>
life and there clearly is no room for HIM in their family tapestry. Hughes is a PREGNANT LIEUTENANT and considering leaving<br/>
the SFD to care for her and Ripley's second child. Miller and JJ co-parent Prue (he and Sasha appear on the road to solidifying<br/>
THEIR situation...even Maya and Carina celebrated one year together over the weekend.</p><p>[Words and Music by T. Rice-Oxley, R. Hughes, T. Chaplin]</p><p>~You say you wander your own land~<br/>
~But when I think about it~<br/>
~I don't see how you can~<br/>
~You're aching, you're breaking~<br/>
~And I can see the pain in your eyes~</p><p>"This is what's new, Doc: I have made up my mind to get out of mind own head and open my eyes-everyone around is GROWING<br/>
UP, CHANGING, MOVING-ON...everyone <em>except for </em> John Gibson. And it's time."</p><p>"Does that mean what I think it means?"</p><p>"Yeah...I'm gonna go and see Inara-beg her to take me back."</p><p>"She was good for you, Jack. When she came into your life I was honestly thrilled: equally disappointed when your obsession with<br/>
a married woman continued to manifest. Both Inara and Marcus truly care for you and I don't imagine much 'begging' will be<br/>
necessary to re-bulid your little family. Good for you, soon to be Captain Gibson. Keep your heart open and let Inara and Marcus<br/>
LOVE YOU-because they do, you know," Diane says with a huge smile.</p><p>"Thank you, Doc. If not for YOU...Thanks."</p><p>"You are so very welcome, Jack."</p><p>So little time<br/>
Try to understand that I'm<br/>
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game, I<br/>
Try to stay awake and remember my name, but<br/>
Everybody's changing<br/>
And I don't feel the same</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Maya Bishop gets out of her own way and achieves some 'head-way'<br/>in her attempt to reconcile with gorgeous HOT ITALIAN DOCTOR<br/>(Grey/Sloan's own) Carina DeLuca</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lovely blonde Maya Bishop, Captain of Station 22 still glowing from the past weekend's celebration of her and<br/>
Carina's one-year anniversary figuratively 'floats' into her scheduled appointment with Dr. Lewis.</p><p>========================</p><p>Maya expects Dr. Diane to comment on her ebullient mood right away, and is puzzled when she doesn't. The blowing<br/>wind sends bits of dirt, leaves, and other un-identified particles that make a ticking noise against her office window.<br/>The office is cozy, not too warm, and the faint smile on Diane Lewis' face began to annoy Maya. <em>Why the FUCK </em><br/><em>doesn't she say something </em>? The Captain decides to initiate: "Carina and I were intimate for the first time<br/>in months", she said.</p><p>"Ummm. I imagined something positive must have happened, based on your mood. I was imaging the moods that we<br/>have are like the swirling winds at times. Our brains don't always operate in a logical fashion when strong feelings<br/>of love and attachment are involved. Like those little branches and bits of sand blowing out there: no control over<br/>where the wind blows them. Let your feelings go where they go. Carina has apparently decided that you and she<br/>merit the concessions that she's made."</p><p>"And I located Mason. In that homeless encampment near downtown...under the under pass. I gave him food and<br/>medical supplies...including some Narcan© and methadone-YES, I KNOW-he's...not ready to check into a clinic<br/>yet. I'm approaching it as a win-the last time I saw him he ran from me".</p><p>"Maya, I can empathize with your dilemma...my family owned an Irish pub-WEIRD, huh?-apparently there are<br/>Irish in our bloodline from before. At any rate, both my parents became functioning alcoholics and by the time<br/>I left our home they needed professional help. I'd pay for rehab, they'd relapse, pay for rehab, they'd relapse;<br/>one of the reasons my marriage ended. It's tough, it's heart-breaking: and I want to emphasize that Mason has<br/>to want change his life", Dr. Lewis advised.</p><p>"Why is he having so much difficulty when Chief Sullivan isn't?", Maya wonders.</p><p>"As you are already aware of Sullivan's situation I'm breaking no confidences in discussing the contrasts:<br/>FIRST: Remember that Sullivan is an ex-marine and with his already well-honed sense of determination<br/>and drive, his ability to overcome obstacles like this is to be expected. You describe your brother as a<br/>brow-beaten child who grew into a man with low self-esteem and a sense of worthlessness. SECOND:<br/>CRPS is the reason that he took opioids to alleviate the incredible pain associated with that condition.<br/>It's also important to point out that only after the surgery did he find himself needing morphine-again,<br/>to mitigate agonizing pain. The one connective tissue between Sullivan and Mason is that mental anguish<br/>is sometimes as severe as severe as physical...now-you and Carina 'got busy'...was it a give into physical<br/>need' intimacy or 'I love you and need to be close to you' intimacy?"</p><p>"The stress WAS building up, and instead of my usual <em>self-care </em>: I'd go to Joe's, get drunk and<br/>find a man or woman to go home with. I've resisted that, which Carina was really appreciative. I've shown<br/>that I'm not that 'Maya from before', and I'm willing to face my demons through therapy and prove that I'm<br/>not a broken person in need of being put back together." She smiles, and blushes a little, remembering how<br/>feverish the sex from the night before was.</p><p>"Is she willing to come to a couples session? I'm affiliated with Grey Sloan."</p><p>"I think we're at that place now where her anger has lessened to the point where we can date and spend<br/>time together; I heard her refer to me as her girlfriend to a colleague at the hospital...I'll invite her to the<br/>next session?"</p><p>"Schedule on the way out."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The reality about couples therapy is that it’s relatively rare that the counseling works,<br/>because people wait too long. Therapy is usually seen as a last-ditch effort to salvage<br/>the marriage, and it’s not always agreed to in good faith either. A husband or wife may<br/>simply accede because he or she wants to be seen as ‘having tried everything.’<br/>Vic and her husband seek counseling with Dr. Diane Lewis.</p><p> </p><p>(not as angsty as it sounds)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Based on their separate interview questionnaires, VICTORIA'S most pressing concern is the fact that her husband<br/>
can't reconcile her need to enter burning buildings and other dangerous situations as part of her JOB...LUCAS doesn't<br/>
grasp how Vic doesn't see how overwhelming his fear is that instead of a marriage ending in a courthouse seating that<br/>
the one he cares about most may end in the ringing of the bells (firefighter funeral).</p><p>Diane says "Think of anger is just a form of emotional energy. It is not always yelling or screaming. And it is not always violence<br/>
.<br/>
Anger can be both constructive and destructive. But because However, since many people have seen more unhealthy expressions of<br/>
anger, they only associate anger with negative things. Anger is not bad by itself. It is the choices that one makes in expressing anger<br/>
that makes the difference in the health of a marriage. A spouse who expresses his or her anger healthily is able to talk about their<br/>
feelings in a calm manner. Instead, he or she expresses themself, makes a request, and is willing to accept the answer. When the<br/>
husband or spouse senses that their anger is escalating, one or both takes time out to cool down and de-escalate. The discussion can<br/>
be resumed once both are calmer."</p><p>"CHIEF: do you try to manipulate Victoria's behavior? Do you want your way on this issue so badly that you use her emotions against<br/>
her?"</p><p>"I don't mean to...I don't believe that I am." He glances at his wife for affirmation. "It's not my intention."</p><p>"Victoria?"</p><p>"I'm fighting two battles: my own fear of fire, and going against my husband's wishes as they relate to being one of the first<br/>
ones n a structure. He will likely never go inside another site or be exposed to immediate danger and possibly I'm resentful<br/>
that because <em>I DO </em>...I DON'T KNOW...are you resentful?" Both women wait for his response.</p><p>A tiny bit crossly Lucas said:</p><p>"In twenty years plus I've forgotten more about resolving all types of fires in more different types of situations than either of you<br/>
COMBINED, and that knowledge is a blessing and a curse, especially when someone I love deeply is affected. I don't want to<br/>
prevent you from doing what you love... I also don't want you to  risk your life Vic. I need you with me. I'm sorry but that's how I<br/>
feel."</p><p>Dr. Lewis has another question. "How much of this might be PTSD-related? I'm not disclosing any prohibited information to say<br/>
that both the trauma from the skyscraper incident and your experience in a combat theatre could have combined at this point.</p><p>"BOTH of you should work to be as certain as possible to NOT do the the following:</p><p>Seek to control your spouse and weaponize your anger over this situation.</p><p>Punish your partner through things like silent treatment, withholding sex orsabotaging your partner’s efforts to succeed if they<br/>
decide to continue on their path.</p><p>NEVER ALLOW your anger to become abusive. I add this without the slightest concern that either of you would follow this course<br/>
of action. You sounded resentful and defensive earlier Cheif. Are you resentful?"</p><p>Taking a moment to ponder the question, Lucas says "If I'm honest...<em>yes...I sam </em>.</p><p>"I don't want to end us over this. I know that you love me and I love you more than I express in words. I know that we can find a<br/>
solution-I WANT TO."</p><p>"I've emailed literature to yu both. Please read it, discuss it together before our next session."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>New detectives Jenna Matson and Ryan Tanner seek couples<br/>therapy with Dr. Diane Lewis. The main source of contention<br/>is Ryan's ill-fated trip to Seattle (when Andy broke his heart with<br/>her 'I crapped where I eat/I'm in love with my Captain/I've never<br/>felt like this before' speech.  He didn't realize how much he hurt<br/>Jenna...enter DR. DIANE</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>COUPLES THERAPY: JENNA AND RYAN</p><p>Jenna is convinced that Ryan harbors feelings for Andrea Herrera (Sullivan), which he denies. "She's way too<br/>
jealous!" he grumps.</p><p>"YES, I admit that I'm jealous and with good reason! So What-I'm a woman and I'm jealous! Who wouldn't be<br/>
in my situation?!", Jenna fires back angrily.</p><p>Diane Lewis says "First let's pin-point what jealousy is and what it is not: it isn't a diagnosis; it is an emotion. But<br/>
when someone experiences extreme jealousy, they may find the emotion negatively affects their life and may even<br/>
contribute to the development of mental health conditions such as depression and generalized anxiety. Lack of<br/>
trust is at the core o these feelings-it seems that you fear that he'll attempt to reunite with Herrera. JENNA: I can<br/>
assure you that Herrera is in a committed marriage; your fears of her reuniting with your fiancé are unfounded."</p><p>Jenna said, "I understand that <em>intellectually</em>; I know that, what you just said...it's just emotionally...<br/>
when he left me in San Diego to come back here to...<em>reclaim her</em>...it really hurt. I have forgiven,<br/>
I just haven't forgotten."</p><p>"I want to point out the difference between normal/productive and harmful/unproductive jealousy. To overcome these<br/>
feelings you must improve communication. Have you discussed that incident?"</p><p>Jenna said pointedly, "We have NOT...not to MY satisfaction."</p><p>Ryan admits "We just-just let it die on it's own."</p><p>Diane sat back in her chair. "Can you say to her now, Ryan that you made a mistake in that Seattle incident and that you<br/>
recognize that Andy Herrera is now SULLIVAN and that your focus is on repairing and strengthening what you have with<br/>
Jenna?"</p><p> </p><p>AS sincerely as possible, Ryan faces Jenna and made this declaration: "I truly regret what I've put you through, Jen.<br/>
I was stupid and foolish and an asshole. I know that Andy's gone-when I came back here that time-I told myself that I was<br/>
doing it because of her dad's cancer, and to comply with one of his last wishes but in my heart I was hoping that she<br/>
and I could be together. She told me that she's never been in love before HIM, and that's when it finally hit home. I love you<br/>
Jen. I DO. Please, let's work on making <em>US</em> stronger?"</p><p>Teary-eyed Jenna says "OK. As long as we can continue couples therapy with Dr. Lewis?"</p><p>"Agreed."</p><p>Diane said "I get the treatment approved through SPD. And I'm so happy that the two of you have made some in-roads<br/>
today."</p><p><br/>
</p><p>
  <em>Rodney</em>
</p>
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